Um

Another find in the patent literature:

11. A method to provocatively test for schizophrenia in a human comprising administering S-(N,N-diethylcarbamoyl)glutathione to the human and correlating the induction of a hallucination in the human with schizophrenia.

Now that seems like a bad idea - diagnosing schizophrenia by causing a potentially schizophrenic patient to have a hallucination. Although I suspect that were this to become standard medical practise, an awful lot of people might show up at their doctors' offices claiming to be schizophrenic.

Nothing, however, beats this classic, entitled "Semen taste-enhancement dietary supplement", US patent #6,485,773, which you can find here. From the summary:

This invention regards a novel and unobvious dietary supplement formulation of relatively specific ratios of fruits, vegetables, and spices that when ingested by the male results in a significant improvement to the taste of the male ejaculate by reducing its generally salty and/or bitter taste while also adding a pleasant flavor that is considered by 98.5% of all customers as very enjoyable.

It goes on to point out that:

No negative effects were experienced by any in the market-test group nor by any of the thousands of customers who have used this product, thus far.

See? There is good science in the patent databases. You just have to dig for it.

See? We told you gnomes were useful.

Spending my Saturday morning, as I do, trolling through published U.S. Patent Applications so as to help out a consultant friend and make a few bucks in the process, I came across this one:

United States Patent Application 20050069541
Karlik, Stephen J. ; et al.
March 31, 2005
Composition for and treatment of demyelinating diseases and paralysis by administration of remyelinating agents.

Which I didn't find so terribly interesting (you'll be shocked to hear), until I came across this particular claim:

16. The method of claim 15, wherein the effective blood level of natalizumab is about 1 gnome.

Hm. I always suspected that gnomes were useful for something.